Well, it’s official: The world has now changed far more than I am willing to accept or deal with.
With the shutdown of the Best Friends Play channel, I have now lost almost any reason to go to YouTube on a daily basis. This is only the latest blow to my life in the past three years. Following almost losing my leg to an infection in 2015 and nearly dying of a blood clot in my lung, my mother broke her leg and ended up wheelchair bound. She still cannot walk very far, and to top it all off, she has lost about 90% of her hearing, so I can no longer have conversations with her. I of course also lost my job in late 2016, and then had to move in with my parents.
I still have no job, no income and no retirement savings at all at age 39. I have stopped drawing altogether, having lost all ambition to do so. Add into the mix the impossible scenario of Donald Trump becoming president, the overarching disinterest I have in almost any sort of media lately, and things have gotten grim indeed for Nightweaver.
Most movies don’t interest me at all, as I feel they’re all sellout special-effects-fests and 3-D animated schlock that I don’t care to watch. Modern music is a total mystery to me, and what I’ve heard of it is utter trash garbage, obnoxious and limp. Even video games, that last bastion of hope for me, have turned sour lately. Lootboxes, “battle royale”-type games, mobile games that are nothing more than ways to siphon money out of your wallet, and endless sequels to crap I never cared about to begin with (like Black Ops and Battlefield), and “games as a service” with endless DLC and locked content have made me very pessimistic about the future of gaming. All of the games that I used to love and still try to play (like FFXI and Everquest 2) are laughably outdated and dying, and the way I used to love playing games (buy a game and that was the entire game for you to play at home), is changing for the worse.
Now that even ponies are ending next year, and with Best Friends Play having just ended, I don’t have really anything to grasp onto anymore. I still have no friends, my family is annoying and impossible to deal with, and what little companionship I’ve managed to find online is hollow and empty. The world feels like it’s ending for me, collapsing in around me with no one able or willing to help me shore it up. This may be it for me, guys. I may be done.