OC Critique?

Art Chat » OC Critique? Search Posts
GargantuanBass
Thread Starter - Vent thread
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

Anyone interested in reviewing an OC complete with backstory?
 
full
 
Picture yourself at Canterlot’s large and lavish water-park, in the center of which stands a large stadium with a pool of water and a platform in the middle. As the speakers blast a pumping rave tune, a unicorn mare steps on stage, reveling in the crowd’s cheers as her horn glows with pale, white magic. Suddenly, a jet of water shoots into the air, and then another, and another, until it all forms into a giant ball of liquid. The unicorn uses a burst of magic to leap high up a above it as it freezes solid, and the moment her hoof touches it’s surface, the ball of ice explodes into pieces, revealing a giant whale and several dolphins. The crowd goes into a frenzy as they watch a spectacular display of dance, water-control, and breaching, aquatic life.
 
You have just witnessed a day in the life of Dolphin Groove, one of Canterlot’s most well known show-ponies. The mare is beloved for her loud, bombastic showmareship during her shows, and her impressive way of taming and handling the wild sea creatures. From afar, she seems like the kind of mare you want to take to a restaurant, only for her to call the place boring and drag you down to the loudest, rowdiest bar Equestria has to offer.
 
Well, don’t count on it. After all, every showpony has a reason to stay out of the public eye, and Dolphin is no exception. While she lacks the over-inflated ego of a popular showmare (like, say…Trixie), she definitely has the temper, lashing out at minor annoyances and rarely apologizing for doing so (if at all). And this temper doesn’t stay behind at the water park at the end of the day, it follows her through out all walks of life. Whether it be a trip to the super-market or a day at the beach. And it’s not just temper. Attitude plays a big role as well. She’s the kind of mare to bump into you on a street corner, then blame you whilst hurling a string of insults, before going home to throw herself onto her bed, light up a cigarette, and browse the internet until she falls asleep.
 
But, it wasn’t always like that. A mere twenty years prior, Dolphin Groove was just a happy, little, fish-loving native from Equestria’s surrounding islands. She would spend her days tending to the fish that would swim into a small pond linking to the sea behind her family’s hut. It was strange, but from that very first day she tossed a few bread crumbs into the water, they always seemed so happy to see her, heading back into the larger at the end of the day, only for new fish to appear in the pond. She would swim with them, talk to them, and even sing them songs, wishing them a safe journey back into the sea. Any time she was called in for dinner, she would thank the fish on the fire for offering themselves to her as food, which she believed as a sign of them thanking her for entertaining them.
 
As the seasons changed, so did the fish. Word of the kind little filly who entertained the fish must have spread throuought the ocean fast, for soon, creatures like dolphins, eels, octopi, even whales were appearing in her pond, and as always, she would entertain them until the sun went down and they continued their journey across the ocean.
 
Eventually the day came when she recieved her cutie mark; a brilliant, white dolphin surrounded by many notes of music, forever signifying her connection to the ocean and the songs she sang to them. On that day, she bid her home goodbye, wanting to see the rest of the world, and the endless seas within them. Hopping on the back of a whale she’d befriended that day, she said her goodbyes, and was off.
 
For years, she travelled the world, exploring new waters, and meeting the truly vast variety of life they held. Neither she, nor the sea-creatures could be happier.
 
But, as time dragged on, her whale grew old and fatigued, tired from carrying it’s loyal friend across the world. During it’s last swim, it brought Dolphin Groove to the famed pony city of Canterlot, knowing that she would want a new land to explore now that she’d seen all the ocean had to offer. That night, it died, and, like always, Dolphin Groove thanked it for being her friend as she ate it’s remains.
 
Despite living most of her life on the water, she adjusted rather quickly, managing to keep herself sane by living near the ocean front, still entertaining the fish that would come to her. But, this was a big city. The waters were not as pure as they were around her island, and as such, many fish would avoid coming close. The very few that did were merely old fish Dolphin had sang to in her youth. Before long, the fish stopped coming all together, the only ones left loyal to her having long since passed on.
 
It was during this time Dolphin grew bitter. As per her ponies’ customs, she was forbidden to return to her home until she was on her last legs, and no matter what city she went too, the fish would avoid it, like always. What good was her cutie mark to her now? She had no more fish to entertain…
 
So the only recourse left was to entertain her fellow ponyfolk.
 
But, luck shined upon her, as the nearest available work was at, of all things, a water park! A live water park featuring many different sea creatures! What’s better, these creatures were the descendents of the very ones Dolphin had entertained in her youth! She could immediately feel a connection with all of them, and knowing these new friends would be willing repay the loyalty she showed their ancestores, Canterlot gained one of the most spectacular performances ponykind had ever seen! The shows would sell out constantly, even after years of production, for Dolphin’s brilliant mastery of aquatic life would always bring something new, something fresh, something entertaining.
 
The crowed would cheer her name for many years to come, and for a while, she loved being in the spotlight.
 
But, as the years wore on, it began to lose it’s novelty. She still loved her fellow sea animals, and absolutely adored working with them to entertain, but there was a part of her that still resented being stuck in the city with no new fish to befriend. She longed for the days on her island, and that little pond she tossed breadcrumbs into. The memory of it pained her, and the thought of not seeing it again until the end of her life infuriated her, so much that said fury would manifest itself in negative ways; lashing out at her coworkers, resorting to tobacco as a relaxant, and spending too much time on the internet, trying to escape into her perfect fantasy world.
 
But, not all is lost. Today she shall meet a peppy young DJ pony from Manehattan. Techno Fiend, he calls himself. She dismisses him as some young, foolish, city-colt, but there’s more to him than meets the eye. A desire shows in his eyes, a desire to help ponies through their hardships and woes, whilst using music to cope with his own, and though she might not yet recognize it, these two (and soon enough, several others), will have their friendships intertwined, and it shall all be for the better.
MegaHerts
Perfect Pony Plot Provider - Uploader of 10+ images with 350 upvotes or more (Questionable/Explicit)
Hard Work - Merited Perfect Pony Plot Provider badge with only their own art
The Power of Love - Made a piece of artwork loved by 1000 users
Artist -

Let’s seee… Focusing on the character itself and not caring too much about the backstory (bad a
 
The hair can make more sense. Look at where the roots of a Horse’s mane grows, better yet, look at how Rarity’s hair grows out of her head.
 
Shape of the mane can also be more interesting. Right now, it is rather plain for a show pony. The more interesting the shape of a character’s silhouette, the more memorable the character. You can proabably make the hair protrude forward a bit like Fluttershy’s mane.
 
The tail also doesn’t appear to belong on this character as well. It’s in a totally different style.
 
Cutie mark might look better if it is smaller, so there is more negative space around it.
 
You can also consider a more magenta-colored eye for a CMY triadic color scheme. This color scheme with a red instead of a magenta doesn’t feel balanced; balanced coloring tends to be appealing to people.
GargantuanBass
Thread Starter - Vent thread
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

@Pix3M
 
(bad a? Huh?
 
The mane, yeah, it looks a little weird, but she’s based off a pony-maker design. I didn’t draw her. :I
 
Now that I think about it, the tail does look strange. It should be flat like the mane…
 
Yeah, I never intended the cutie mark to cover her entire flank, but I’m the kind of guy who hates asking for changes after someone draws the picture…
GargantuanBass
Thread Starter - Vent thread
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

@Pix3M
 
I know, but I can’t draw (well, I sorta can, but I don’t have a scanner either). I only use it for reference.
 
And hey, it’s not like I’m making black and red alicorns with it. I try to make my OCs fit within the universe.
GargantuanBass
Thread Starter - Vent thread
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

@Pix3M
 
That’s why I’m psyched for the next version. :3
 
I try not to use it. I’ve got another OC who has a shaved mane, which obviously doesn’t exist in ponymaker (I had to try and edit it in MSpaint. I have no way to hide my shame…)
ЅℰℒᎯℙℋℐℰℒ
Solar Supporter - Fought against the New Lunar Republic rebellion on the side of the Solar Deity (April Fools 2023).
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2020) - Took part in the 2020 Community Collab
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2019) - Celebrated Derpibooru's seventh year anniversary with friends
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2018) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Magnificent Metadata Maniac - #1 Assistant
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2017) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.

Pomegranates :P
A pony who performs shows in a water park. That’s quite original. The colour combination is comfortable to look at.
 
And I never knew Canterlot has a Water Park. Most of them are in Tall Tale and Los Pegasus.
Interested in advertising on Derpibooru? Click here for information!
Ponies Online! - April 13-14

Help fund the $15 daily operational cost of Derpibooru - support us financially!

Syntax quick reference: **bold** *italic* ||hide text|| `code` __underline__ ~~strike~~ ^sup^ %sub%

Detailed syntax guide