I come to this Bat-channel, to enjoy these Bat-posts of this Bat-pone EEEEEEE!  
Stopping now would drive me batty.

@BigBuggyBastage  
I don’t deserve kudos. I’m just enjoying my own idiocy, that’s all.
 
Now, where was I?
 
You actually read this, didn’t you? For shame.
 
“Master, I’ve returned with your blood report, as scheduled!”
 
Me: “Of course you have. You’ve never failed me before, Awesome Bat, so why would I think you would now?”
 
“Irrelevant! I have to push the narrative right now!”
 
Me: “Of course. Proceed as per the usual.”
 
“Master, according to your blood sample you’re reaching critical levels of memetic awareness! Any further and you might breach the wall the separates us from those horrible creatures on the internet!”
 
The Radio: “No, Joseph. You are the internets.”
 
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
 
[Joey and bat both lose their collective shit]
 
Have I stated yet exactly how much fun I’ve having here? If I haven’t, then allow me to say that this is a metric fuckload of fun. Thanks, everyone.

@97blackbird  
No, no. This has been quite entertaining to be part of, even though I’ve been quiet lately. Everyone deserves kudos.

@Joseph Raszagal  
Response to spoiler 1:  
Wow! I’m a Hero! *Bright smile and genuine laughs  
Response to spoiler 2:  
wow… even on the internet people have to be drunk to love me…

@Meanlucario  
Hell, I’m just glad that someone’s enjoying me rambling. More than half of these are me being a useless, drunk bastard xD .

@Joseph Raszagal  
I’m just glad that you guys made this a thing on this thread.

@97blackbird  
You’re the hero that we both need and deserve.
 
“Master!”
 
Me: “Oh man, I can’t believe I’m even alive right now.”
 
“I know, right? Crap’s crazy!”
 
Me: “Ain’t it just. Anyway, what’s up? Am I totally screwed, like usual?”
 
[Tiny bat shrugs its tiny bat shoulders]
 
“Actually, you just need a bit more sugar. You’re a little low right now, Master.”
 
Me: “…Really? That’s it? Nothing that could potentially transform me into a terrible demon or something?”
 
“Nope!”
 
[We share the happiest of high-fives, keeping in mind that I have to be careful and not hurt Tiny Medi-Bat while doing so]
 
Me: “You know you’ve helped me a lot lately, right?”
 
“It’s been my pleasure, Master! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
 
I’m drunk and I’m just loving all of you right now. You’re all awesome, whoever you are. And yes, I mean all of you.

@Communist Starlight  

 
Don’t you mean, “Nooo… The scurvy-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

@Joseph Raszagal  
“Nooooo…. the scurvy…”

@97blackbird  

 
”You said I’d never amount to anything, Mom, but look! Maybe I still work in a warehouse, but I’m a trend-setter! Eat it!“
 
“Master, I’m back from parts unknown with today’s blood report!”
 
Me: “Let me guess, I’m a Tribble or something, right? I think the only thing we haven’t done so far is Star Trek.”
 
[Audience laughter]
 
“Actually, it says that you’re critically low on Vitamin C!”
 
Me: “…Really? That’s it?”
 
“Well, it would explain why your gums are gushing rivers of blood right now.”
 
Me:  

 
“Uh-oh! Don’t worry, Master, I’m on it! Deploying emergency orange juice rations now! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

@Joseph Raszagal  

 
We could call that epic duo “Captain Marvel and Miss Marvel save the world”
 
*_{and because all recent posts apparently need to end this way…}
 
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

@Communist Starlight  
“Master, you won’t believe what came back in your blood report this time!”
 
Me: “I dunno, tiny bat, every timeline seems to be getting progressively nuttier, so…”
 
“I know, right? Anywhoozles, your sample wasn’t even blood… again! This time it looks like it’s some kind of strange hydraulic fluid / oil compound!”
 
Me:  

 
“Master, noooooooooooo! I’ll save you and the future, I bat-promise! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
 
[Itty-bitty Med-Bat flies away in search of Sarah Connor and Ellen Ripley, because a team-up that awesome would probably save all of mankind simply by virtue of existing in general]

@Joseph Raszagal  
I suppose we could sum them all up with the following sentence:  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

@Communist Starlight  
“Master, you’ve gotta see this! Your blood report is even crazier than last time!”
 
Me: “I highly doubt that, tiny bat. Last time was pretty bananas.”
 
“It says that your blood isn’t even blood, it’s actually some weird-o alien form of highly corrosive acid!”
 
Me:  

 
[Collective audience gasp]
 
“The Xenoqueen! I knew it! I’m coming, Master, I’ll save you! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
 
[Tiny Med-Bat flies off in search of Ellen Ripley, the only person boss enough to save me from the Xenoqueen]

@Joseph Raszagal  
“THIS IS THE HERESY POLICE!”  
“Hosted by the inquisiter bat pony! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE “

“Hello, Master! I just ate the bestest plum ever!”
 
Me: [Uses index finger to scritch under her chin] “Glad you enjoyed it, tiny batpone. You earned it.”
 
“Also, I just finished your latest blood test. It’s the strangest thingy. Your sample came back as AB positive, even though I’m pretty sure you’ve always been O negative. Isn’t that super weird-o?”
 
Me: “Huh, that is odd. I mean, I am O negative, aren’t I-I-I-I-I~
 
[I start to spasm and seize violently on the floor]
 
“Uh-oh, that’s probably not good! Contacting emergency services! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Midichlorians = Heresy
 
Purge with explosions  
Use EXTREME PREJUDICE
 
Protect LittleMedBatponies at all costs! “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
 
_{someone plz commission this artist for more batpony art}

@Communist Starlight  
Hey, I didn’t mention them. Blame the bat.
 
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Master, the results from your latest blood sample test are in! It’s terrible news!”
 
Me: [Nods head] “Calm yourself, tiny bat. Now, give me your report.”
 
“It’s your gene-seed, Master! It’s mutating at an alarming rate!”
 
Me: “Heresy!”
 
“No, Master! It’s Nurgle! You’ve been infected!”
 
Me: “DOUBLE HERESY!”
 
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
 
[Explosions… and heresy]

@Joseph Raszagal  
Oh my god you mentioned midichlorians.  
I think I’ve died a little bit more on the inside

@Communist Starlight  
“Master, it’s come to my attention that you might actually be a Jedi!”
 
Me: [Genuinely surprised] “Whoa, that’s certainly news to me. How do you know?”
 
“I’ve detected an extremely high midichlorian count in your blood lately.”
 
Me: [Facepalms] “You’re just messing with me, aren’t you?”
 
“Of course, Master. We all know that midichlorians were one of George’s worst additions to the official Star Wars canon. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
 
[Extremely gentle high-five, that way I don’t accidentally hurt her]

@Joseph Raszagal  
I can think of a million just with medical bat pone! We can’t make, like, infinite, with any other bat pone!

@Communist Starlight  
I could spend all day coming up with scenarios for this adorable, itty-bitty bat <3
 
“Master… I mean, if that really is you in there. Your blood doesn’t appear to be human.”
 
Me:  

 
“I knew it, I knew it! I’ll save you, Master! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
 
[Tiny bat flees to gather reinforcements from La Resistance]

@Joseph Raszagal  
“WE’VE GOT AN EEEEEEEEEEE! “

@Communist Starlight  
“Master, I’ve noticed an iron deficiency in your blood samples lately. Would you like me to schedule you a doctor’s appointment to make sure you’re not anemic?”
 
Me: “Absolutely, tiny bat. It’s always best to be on top of things.”
 
[Tiny bat starts dialing a specially-made tiny phone]
 
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

@Joseph Raszagal  
I love this idea. When you guys become rich and famous, remember it was I who mistakenly created it.