A wall.
 
I should be able to get out of the house fast enough for her to find me.

a tv remote. hmm maybe I can distract her with our vast tv channels

A spare computer monitor, I might stand a chance XD

a lamp

A pen. I could stab her in the eyes.

My cellphone. sh*t. lol  
/If it don’t work, i just let her try and witness her disappointment.

A book case.  
I think I have pretty good changes

CRT monitor…  
http://image-shed.com/out.php/i722_dr-hax-1-o.gif  
Good enough…

derpy wants to eat me…  
I aint even mad

The object to my left is an actual muffin. I think I win this round.

A letter opener? Do I threaten the integrity of the mail system or something?

A knife.  
Huh, that’s convenient.

I have a water bottle. I would pour it all over myself and convince her she does not want to eat a soggy muffin.

A frame with my family pictures or a stuffed tiger.  
Hmm?

A take-out plate of Chinese.  
…Alright Derpy,…Lets Dance

My PS Vita.
 
Actually, It doesn’t really matter. It’s Derpy, guys. She’s darling, but she’s not capable.

A box of tissue.  
Fuck.

a bag of dirty cloth….

Like i said when this was first posted  
Why on earth would I defend myself

what i have on my left?
 
A MUFFIN!  
_{epic win}

A tower of speakers. I can knock you out with them Derpy.

Don’t have to outrun Derpy, only Trixie. And it looks like Trixie tripped all on her own. Yup. Totally by fortunate accident.

a pen and a cd…maybe i can use the cd to direct the sun light into her eye so she cant see me while i flee
 
then use the pen to write a letter because i m pretty sure that she will catch up on me, pegasi are fast i guess :T

A Benchmade. The first time I have something useful next to me but I don’t want to stab Derpy.