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Description
Hello, everyone! As you can see, this is a SECRET prolouge scene of the upcoming episode, “The Crystal Empire” where Dark Shadow, the Evil King of All Monsters and my OC villain, encourages King Sombra to take over Equestria.
Or better yet, make Dark Shadow an updated version of Arabus from G1.
YOU’RE DUMB
YOU KNOW THAT?
JUST BECAUSE THERE’S EVIL PEOPLE
DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE ALL UNDER ONE RETARD’S COMMAND
This is worse than a cartuneslover dupe.
Also, dot pupils on eyes like that look odd. Might be slightly better if they were cat’s-eye pupils, but if you’re going for the “mysterious shadow” look, try blank, single color eyes.
Oh right, forgot: Character designs with no distinguishing features are boring. Compare this bastard OC with FiM’s actual villains:
NMM: Black shadow look, but with detailed hair, fancy armor, and expressive eyes and mouth.
Discord: Original take on the “Chimera” monster design, resembling a twisted dragon/“every other animal ever” hybrid with some “freaky old man” feel thrown in for flavor.
Sombra: Looks like a bad OC at first glance, but has oddly 60s/70s style to his looks, with apparent sideburns and odd hair, making him unique. Also has interesting eye and clothing/armor design.
OC PoS (“Dark Shadow”): No distinguishing features, no new spins on any sort of existing design (monster or otherwise), boring and redundant name. Also, badly done version of the already overused “shadow monster” type of villain. On top of that, an apparent attempt to shoehorn a “ME TOO” piece of fiction into every single corner of the FiM lore. One or two connections is fine, or even no (apparent) connections so it’s unique. But it doesn’t need to be behind every little problem in the universe.
Improvement ideas:
-Make him a unique, separate villain who can remain fitting even with all but the most major changes to the FiM lore. The proper way to do this is to make him a unique villain with no need for links to other events. He can still be behind some things, or have some correlation with previous events, but forcing him to adapt to and be a part of every single new thing added to the FiM lore is the wrong way to go about it.
-Give him a fun, unique character design/name. If you were a part of the fandom when Discord was first announced, you remember everyone speculating that he was another god-pony like NMM was. All sorts of fake designs popped up that were unoriginal just like Dark Shadow. In the end, everyone was shocked to find out he was really a Chimera-dragon with the voice and powers of Q from Star Trek. Discord’s a good example of how to make something original and interesting that still has roots in previous monster designs from pop culture. If Dark Shadow had a more interesting name and character design, he would be a lot better as a whole. Try giving him a name that’s a variant or twisting of words in Latin or other foreign languages (variants on Latin words such as Umbra, Penumbra, Nox, Caligo, Tenebra, and Opscuritas (all various forms of “dark/darkness”) come to mind).
-Make it so that he is an interesting character. This may be his biggest problem other than his design. Good villains need to have that same kind of complex thought, emotion, and motivation that real “evil” people themselves have. True evil is never just, “Bwahaha, time to rule the world because EVIL!!!!!”. Real evil is a willingness to break rules, boundaries, and even people to get what you want or need. A well-made villain has a damn good reason to go so far as to be evil. Sometimes it’s revenge for a wrongdoing committed unto them (NMM), sometimes it’s a borderline perverse desire to see others suffer and create humor at their expense (Discord), and sometimes it’s something different entirely, such as whatever Sombra’s motivation might wind up being (control through fear or sadness/jealousy/etc.). Never is it just for the sake of evil, since evil itself is just a (possibly insane) willingness to overstep moral, physical, and emotional boundaries that keep people from hurting each other. Behind every single kind of evil villain and their plans is a driving force of some sort, be it emotion, need, helping their own kind over others, or some other factor.
Hopefully you’ll read this and it’ll help you in some way. I hate leaving pointless criticism, so I’ve tried to leave a constructive comment to help you improve in your writing and art skills. If I was rude or spiteful at all, I apologize, but I’m simply trying to help rather than spit pointless venom. Best of luck to you, ian2x4.