>be me  
>house is cold  
>floor is ice  
>feet are bare, can’t step on frozen floor without getting them cold  
>has an idea. Orders fuzzy slippers off Amazon  
>has them delivered to my house  
>two-day shipping because Prime, uses gift card from holidays friends got me  
>practically lives on sofa while waiting, I have a stockpile of snacks and drinks to keep me nourished  
>package arrives, it’s left at the door  
>stands up to go get it, only to realize I have to touch cold floor with feet to walk outside  
>iwasfrozentoday.mp4  
>okay, just have to endure it for a minute  
>does Monty Python ministry of silly walks to prevent cold feet  
>opens the door and retrieves the package  
>mfw slippers are the wrong size  
>mfw I coulda just worn socks  
>mfw it’s May

6 months later

She got cold frogs.

I wouldn’t mind being in his position or at least not until my back gave out.