***
It started the day she said yes to Tempest.
They had been tip toeing around the subject but when the question was asked, Twilight felt overjoyed. She didn’t think she would be Tempest’s type.
She was so strong and able so why choose her?
But regardless, she said yes and thats when it started.
The bad thoughts. The niggling seeds of doubt planted by her own subconsciousness.How could she do this? Didn’t she love Celestia? How could she betray her like this?
She knew it was ridiculous and drowned them out, basking in the shared joy her friends gave her in response to Tempest and her finally hooking up.
Yet the thoughts didn’t stop. Whenever she let her guard down, another one would pop up. Tearing her down, breaking her short-lived joy. The guilt she felt, even as she knew it was unwarranted, had left her immobilized many times. There were times she’d be standing at the edge of her balcony, those terrible thoughts echoing in her head, telling her it would only take a second. One second and all the bad feelings would end. Then she’d pull back, wanting to scream but clenching her teeth tight.
No, she couldn’t do that. She refused to give in but… she couldn’t stop the thoughts, the ideas, from taking over. She had to do something before she forgot why she kept resisting.
There were medicines for it, right? Yes, there had to be. Just a few sips and the bad thoughts would fade and she could get back to normal. But they kept coming back. Every time she felt cured, it reared its ugly head again, taking with it all her happiness.
So she took more and more medicine. Just to make it stop.
But one day, she took more than she needed and got closer to that edge.