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Description
Scoots and Sweetie B: Uhhhhh
Subjects of Equestria! We are pleased to kick off the Nightmare Night Festivities and the 14th anniversary of the return of our beloved Princess Luna! Join us in celebration!
Scotty: [While steam is erupting from everything… you know, like always] “You’ve overloaded the warp drive’s capacity thing-a-ma-jigger! We canna stop it now, not unless I pull a mighty Desu-ex-Machina outta my arse!”
Frank West: “Don’t worry, I, of the mighty Red Shirt Clan, shall venture into the unknown and solve this problem that by comment I have apparently started! I am sciency, I can fix thing-a-ma-jiggers!”
Spock: “Captain, this young officer is highly unsuited to perform the task at han~
Kirk: [Overly emotional for both every reason and no reason simultaneously] “Dammit, man, CAN’T you see, this MAN has THE guts.”
McCoy: “For once in the many blue moons we’ve seen, I agree. This guy’s got the balls to do it.”
Spock: “Your reasoning mystifies me.”
McCoy: “We were designed as counterparts with Kirk at the center. It’s supposed to mystify you.”
Spock: “What?”
Kirk: “What?”
McCoy: [Coughing] “Nothing. Anyway, what about that disaster that the Red Shirt was going to solve?”
Frank West: “I AM THE BEING WHO WESLEY CRUSHER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. I AM STARFLEET JESUS. I WILL SAVE YOU.”
…
…
…
Kirk: “I HAVE no idea who WESLEY Crusher is, but I can’t ARGUE with THAT argument.”
Uhura: “Frequencies open again, Captain. We’re being hailed.”
Kirk: [Annoyed] “We’re kind of in the middle of a crisis and a possible reincarnation of Jesus. Do you mind?”
[Crackling transmission]
Picard: “Hello, Jim? We met in the Nexus. Remember, all cowboys and stuff? Anyway, there’s this Red Shirt who’s actually a Mauve Shirt. He’s important and stuff, don’t let him die. Also, Prime Directive and whatever. You know.”
[Transmission ends]
Kirk: “Oh MY GOD, what have I DONE?”
[It’s too late, Frank West dives into the warp core doing something totally out of this world that you wish you could have seen and it completely saves the day and shit]
Kirk: “NOW we may never KNOW how great A man he could HAVE been.”
McCoy: “But we do know how great a man he was.”
Spock: “Indeed. Let us never forget.”
[Strangely meaningful back-music despite whatever the Hell I was writing]
[Credits roll and the audience wonders just what the Hell they watched]
(“Frank West’s Dirty Laundry”, please forgive me for speaking for you, no matter how silly it was. Yeah, you’re basically Wesley Crusher here, but it’s all in good fun.)
What have I done?
Spock: “Captain, the face you are making is most disturbing.”
Kirk: “NOBODY told me UPON granting me control of THIS SHIP that I couldn’t make WHATEVER FACE I wanted, WHENEVER I wanted.”
Spock: “I still do not see why you must~
Uhura: “Captain, I apologize for the interruption, but we’re being hailed. Opening frequencies.”
[Insert token garbled radio sound-effect straight out of the 1970s]
Janeway: [From said incoming message] “Help, I have no idea what I’m doing and we’ve been lost for three seasons!”
Spock: “I’m shocked.”
Kirk: “Shut up, SPOCK, I’m putting my ‘getting laid’ face ON. How can we HELP you?”
Janeway: “I can hear everything you’re saying, you know.”
Kirk: “And I have BEDDED every woman I have EVER come across. I am THE Kirk.”
[Suddenly, right the fuck out of nowhere]
Scotty: “Captain, she canna’ take any more! She’s a starship, not a Chevrolet!”
[Sex and battle happens]
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You’re… welcome…?
I have bronchitis right now and deep breaths make me cough up a storm.
You just made me cough up my fucking lungs.
Goddammit.
Spock: “Throwing a party prior to the defeat of our foe seems highly illogical, Captain.”
Kirk: “SAYS the Vulcan who CAN’T GET a date and just STANDS BEHIND the bleachers with THE GOTHS.”
Spock: “The philosophical debates I have with them are quite entertaining.”
Kirk: “BONES, QUICK, get in here RIGHT NOW. The nerd’s BEEN ASKING for a SWIRLY for the past TEN minutes.”
McCoy: “Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a bully.”
Kirk: “I’LL let you have SLOPPY SECONDS with the next GREEN babe I find.”
McCoy: “Deal.”
Sulu: “Oh myyyyyyyy~
OH
SHIT
I think you mean Spockward.