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Thread Starter - Fallout Equestria: Wasteland Blues
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“I’ve brushed with death so many times, I should start giving him high fives.” - Twilight Sparkle

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2255245 twilight sparkle
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Background Pony #2056
Twilight: (having arrived on Xen) What is this? This isn’t Canterlot! Oh no! Oh goddess! They fucked me! I TOLD THEM EXACTLY WHAT TO DO AND THEY FUCKED ME!!! screaming
Posted Report
Background Pony #D58C
Twilight: (after watching a trio of zombies burn to death) This isn’t why I got into physics. This is the difference between theory and practice, right here. I don’t want this shit! This is why I can’t talk to all these happy-go-lucky ponies! “How ya doin’, Twilight Sparkle? Ahyuk!” AAAAAAUUUGH!!!
Posted Report
Background Pony #4B06
Twilight: I’m getting out of here. There’s too many psychos in this place. (hears a sentry gun activate) What’s that noise?
Sentry gun: (fires at Twilight but only for one of the bullets to hit her flank)
Twilight: AAH!!! My flank! I got shot in the flank! Why is the building trying to kill me? I’m a unicorn pony employee! You don’t shoot your employees!
At the surface
Twilight: YEAH! IT’S THE SURFACE! Party! Part-! (pinned down by HECU soldiers) Dammit! It’s the fun police! (shoots at the grunts) I’m on your side, you fucking idiots! How many of you do I have to kill before you understand that?! (reloads her sub machine gun) Faust DAMN! You’re stupid! You’re like a bunch of lemmings with machine guns! Do I look like an alien? Am I green? Do I have tentacles coming out of me? (begins collecting ammo from the fallen troops) Give me this! And this!
In the rocket engine test lab
Twilight: Are you the one making all that noise?
Any OC who is a pony: (screaming as a Tentacle smashes through the window to get him/her)
Twilight: MONKEY ON A STICK! WE’RE GETTING FINGERED BY GODZILLA!
Unnamed pony: “No! No! Get it off me! Get it off! GET IT OFF!!!” (is carried out the shattered window as several blasts from Twilight’s shotgun prove absolutely ineffective)
Twilight: Okay! I was waiting for an opportunity to use this! (levitates a grenade) And here it is! It’s obvious! A hoof-full of shrapnel makes the medicine go down! (throws the grenade at the creature after pulling the pin) That’ll teach you to make so much noise! You’re lucky I don’t call the cops!
Later
Twilight: Hey! The lights are on! (presses the button and then an alarm is sounded) Did somepony fix this? (watches as the trio of Tentacles are incinerated by the now-firing rocket thruster) OH! YEAH! That’s right! If you can’t take the heat, get out of the rocket propulsion test chamber! (laughing) Burn! Burn! Burn! Physics rules!
At the rail system*
Twilight: (sees a squad of soldiers opening fire on a Gargantua) Hey! You dumb shits are finally attacking the aliens! That’s… that’s a big one. (runs to a hallway that leads to the rail system control room) You know what? I’m just gonna get out of your way and let you do your job! I have total confidence in you! Go army! Or marines or whatever you guys are!
More Later
Twilight: (sees some SMG grenades next a dead soldier) Oh! Are these grenade rounds? (gets shot at by the soldier’s still-living partner) WHAT THE FUCK?! FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, I’M NOT AN ALIEN! (kills the grunt) Un-fucking-believable! And here, I thought they finally figured that out. That’s what I get for giving ponies ANY credit. I saw them shooting the aliens and not me for once, and I ASSUMED that the military finally got through their thick-ass skulls which targets they’re supposed to shoot at! But, no no no no… (dumb-sounding tone of voice) That’s for smart ponies like me. (normal tone of voice) I know it’s obvious I’m a genius but is everypony else really this stupid? I don’t know but I do know how to prove who’s more dead between us.
Even More Later
Twilight: (after gunning down all the soldiers in the corridor) Yeah, it’s strange. I thought I’d start feeling weird about killing all these ponies but really, I don’t. That’s because they’re all pricks and deserve to die. I’ll make a speech at their funerals if somepony wants me to. I have no problem going up to a grieving widow and telling her I’m sorry for her loss but her husband was a rat-fuck meathead who tried to kill me for no Celestia-damned reason because he was to stupid to learn what the word ‘Civilian’ means. If I hadn’t put him down, he probably would’ve come home later and strangled you in your sleep. And not in the kinky way either. I know how you base wives are.
At the satellite delivery rocket launch site
Twilight: (after she witnesses a soldier wearing a beret kill his own buddies with a grenade round) Did I see that right? That guy in the beret just shot a grenade round at his buddies there! I don’t think he was even aiming for me! I was just the excuse! I mean what is this? The Three Stooges join the corps? There are three of them! This is crazy. Not that I’m complaining about the friendly fire but wow! I sort of expected this sort of thing to happen to the stooges actually. That one day Moe would just fucking lose it and kill the other two stooges for incompetence. Well maybe not Larry; he could be brought back into the fold. But definitely Curley. Curley Joe was beyond redemption.
In a dilapidated rocket silo
Twilight: So who were some other spree killers? There’s Timothy McVeigh. He had military training. Well, Lee Harvey Oswald wasn’t a spree killer but he received about as much government attention as I’m getting right now. He had military training… and was an extremist. (sees a Headcrab Zombified Security Guard eating a dead Soldier) Ugh! That’s gross. Hey! Get a room, you two! (takes the zed out with her glock) This is a family missile silo! I have nothing more to say to you. Let’s see. Charles Whitmane. Military training. I’m a hard cell. I think… (sees another zombie which was a scientist and guns him down) For Celestia’s sake, you ponies were under the stairway. This place is low class. Who else? Alvin York killed dozens of ponies and he was a hero. He didn’t even want to; he was like me.
In a flooded laboratory
Twilight: Sucker. (shoots an Ichthyosaur with her shotgun until it finally dies) YEAH! CALL ME ISHMAEL, BITCH! (shoots the creature’s already lifeless body) Stupid shark! (shoots the corpse again) That takes some of the fight out of you!
Does It End?
Twilight: (after killing a soldier with her .357 magnum) Wow! That is beyond rude! Oh shit. I forgot. Everypony is trying to kill me! Of course! It’s NOT my imagination! Everypony is trying to kill me!
Security guard: (saying something to Twilight)
Twilight: AHA! (shoots the guard while he’s still talking) Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, everypony DIES! Yeah, I see right through you. Standing there acting like you’re my best friend when you obviously waved that assassin right on past you!
In the Surgery wing
First Scientist: “With my brains and your brawn, we’ll make an excellent team.”
Twilight: Oh! So you think YOU’RE the brains of this operation?!
First Scientist: “I’ll wait.”
Twilight: Faust damn right, you will! Okay, Dopey. YOU come with me!
Second Scientist: “Alright.”
Twilight: Now this slicer is kind of dangerous. You oughta know you designed so just take your time. It’s only a concentric circle pattern…
Second Scientist: (is ripped to shred and killed with Twilight wasn’t looking)
Twilight: What the fuck? Looks like a picked the wrong stallion for the job! Jesus Christ! (deactivates the the surgical unit) Oh yeah. Better make sure the door’s unlocked. That would really cap things off if it doesn’t. (opens the door) Good. If this was locked, it would be a massacre trying to get this crew out of here. So are we gonna have problems?
Third Scientist: “Let’s go.”
Twilight: Okay. I guess you, too.
First Scientist: “I certainly hope you know what you’re doing.”
Twilight: That’s it! I’ve heard enough lip from you! You stay!
First Scientist: “I’m slowing you down, aren’t I?”
Twilight: No! You’re pissing me off is what you’re doing! What I should do is turn that cheese slicer back on and let you form your own escape plan, brainiac!
Posted Report
Background Pony #155F
Twilight (Gordon): sees Pinkie Pie (as Barney Calhoun from Barney’s Mind) “Ah, I’m not the only one who’s late.” passes Pinkie “SUCKEEERRR! Haha!”
 
LATER
 
Twilight: “I can’t hear you!” kills another Alien Controller with her MP5 and then sees what the portal is doing “Hey, it’s doing something now! Should I go…?” falls off a ledge but doesn’t get hurt or killed “Ahh! I’m not waiting, I’m gonna go! Don’t fuck me on this!” gets attacked by two more Alien Controllers “NO!” guns down the monsters “This is so fucked!”
 
Rainbow Dash (as Corporal Adrian Shephard from Shephard’s Mind): “Hey! Get back here, you big orange fu…”
 
Twilight: hears the voice behind her but jumps through the portal and escapes
Posted Report
Deserter
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

This cykas my blyats
@The Hittite  
“Let’s see if Twilight’s password works… THIS IS CAPTAIN SHINING ARMOR OF THE INTERGALACTIC HOUSE OF PANCAKES, ORDERING YOU TO OPEN! Huh, I can’t believe that worked.”
Posted Report