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Champions of Equestria

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redweasel
Duck - "someone befriended them, saved them, coaxed them out of their shell, and showed them that sex is nothing to be afraid of. I’m kind of envious of that rape victim"

Fuzzbutt
“hello your despicable evilness, whose cruelty is only surpassed by the foul stench of her breath.”  
“enough flattery, drone. I sense that you have something important to report.”  
“I had a scary dream where princess luna was chasing me.”  
“you and 6000 others last night, what of it?”  
“no I think it really was princess luna. I got scared and transformed in front of her. I think she’s going to find out who I am!”  
“did you transform into your disguise?”  
“well… no…”  
“cease being anxious immediately. it annoys me. and do not attract my attention again.”