Flim wants to take custody of Apple Custard to raise her as part of the Flim Flam Bros. as a Flim Flam Sister, but Applejack also wants to take custody of Apple Custard but to raise her as part of the Apple family instead. Apple Custard is very scared and doesn’t know what to do.
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OK. I’ll do that.
I see now you changed the description, but you still kept in the part about the rape and the forced marriage. If she was in love he could have a child willingly.
Seems like it would work best if you switched the paragraphs.
Edited
That makes a ton of sense and fits the characters and situation. And like what I brought up earlier, it gives their fosl more of a choice since she might not know (or believe) that her father is a con-man.
That makes more sense.
It doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It just doesn’t make sense to me. If your concept is ‘child by rape’ then fine, but the story has to follow some kind of logic. Really, this would make more sense as a deception pic than a rape one.
Flim pretends to be reformed, AJ buys it, she falls in love, has a kid, and then finds out he’s still been running scams behind her back and demands a divorce. Flim decides he’s not leaving quietly, and tries to demand custody of the child.
It fits in with his character and Applejacks character. He’s a shady conman, and a betrayed Applejack isn’t going to lose her kid to be raised to be like him.
I can edit again. What do you want me to put in the description where it makes your comfortable?
“She had no choice but to give in and marry him since she didn’t want her first daughter to get killed.”
Or, you know, got one of your five hundred family members to kick his ass, or have him arrested. At least if she was locked up somewhere she’s be cut off from all her support, making it more likely she’d give in to whatever he asked.
For some reason I’m trying to make sense of all this. Applejack might ‘cry on the inside’ but I don’t think she could remain so stoic no one would notice that she was different. Then she’s have to try and explain why she was ‘madly in love’ with the guy that tried to steal their farm, and keep up the charade for like 3 years.
Who’s instigating the divorce? If it’s Flim then what was the point of marrying her? You can have a custody battle without a marriage. If it’s Applejack what makes her think that show of defiance is gonna work out any better than the first time he rendered her powerless to rape her? Sure, she looks angry in the image but with a flash of a horn she’s lifted in the air and then what?
The image is fine, but for something so short there’s just too much wrong with the little story.
If she was locked somewhere, wouldn’t her friends and family get curious about where she’s been? Even worry about her and go looking out for her?
I agree with what the others have said. If you want to throw out a story to go with your pic at least make it make sense. It’s just that in two paragraphs there’s already so many holes I can’t take it seriously.
Like the others have said AJ isn’t the type to take this lying down, and with a huge family and the support of Celestia and her other friends there’s no way he’d get away with that. Although I’ll admit with her stubbornness she might not tell anyone about being raped.
If Flim forced AJ to marry him by threatening to kill the unborn kid then why the divorce? If Flim already RAPED her then what the hell does he care about being all official with divorcing and custody? He apparently got away with the rape, so what’s a kidnapping to go with it?
Apple Custard doesn’t know who to go with. Hmmm? Nice Mommy or RAPIST daddy. Seems like a no-brainer there.
This little story would make more sense if Applejack was locked in some basement somewhere where she didn’t have freedom of movement. At least if she’s kidnapped it explains why he could force her into things. But nope, she can apparently attend a divorce and custody settlement, where it seems like she could expose him. Again, he’s a rapist here, so why stop there? Just kidnap the kid or quietly get rid of Applejack. He already got her to a secluded spot to rape her once.
This just bugs me way more than it should.
Um…. It was edited from a base. I don’t have to tag my edits since you already did it for me.
Edited
@Spiritus Arcane
Hmm… I may have forgotten about that.
Original:
Yeah, there’s a bit a hole in logic there. Maybe if Applejack was emotionally weak or put into an abusive situation before it would make a bit more sense. (Since a lot of people who end up being in abusive romantic relationship have had previous abusive relationships, usually family related.)
But Applejack has nice and supportive family and friends. Likewise she’s very emotionally strong, stubborn, and very tough. I doubt she would take that kind of abuse sitting down. She doesn’t take anyone’s garbage and is blunt when she doesn’t like something. I can’t picture her just willingly bowing down to someone like that without a fight (be it metaphorical or literal).
Which then begs the question of how the heck he’s able to enforce that? Especially without Big Mac and the rest of the mane 6 breaking him into tiny pieces.
Well, to explain this, she’s unexpectedly pregnant after being raped. That’s before she’s being forced to marry him by Flim himself.
You’re welcome. I’m glad I could help.
@Haley C.
They’re making a very poorly timed joke about a brony reviewer who was recently found out to be sexually harassing minors. He deleted most of his social media accounts after he was found and he might be getting jail time. His self-insert OC (which he used as an avatar for his video reviews) can be seen here:
@Spiritus Arcane
Yep. You made a pretty good point too. She shouldn’t have married him if that happened. You were vague as to why she had to marry him too. So yet again, this is another good reason why maybe you should make it a consensual relationship that eventually turned sour over time.
Edited
Because as @mjangelvortex said, if rape is involved, there really shouldn’t need to be any choice here, but beyond that, there shouldn’t have been a marriage at all.
Edited
Wait what?
Thanks for the suggestion.
If you want to change it, then you can but only if you want to. Apple Custard is your OC and this idea you have with her and her parents is your idea so you should be free to do with them as you please.
I’m not gonna lie, I’ve delved into that sort of thing with two Changeling/Pony hybrid OCs of mine so I’m not saying you shouldn’t write a story involving something like this. But what I am saying is tread a topic like this very carefully. Because a topic as heavy and grim as that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and it’s important to realize that not everyone’s going to like it.
But if you do want to change the idea and are willing to listen to suggestions and constructive criticism, I do have an idea of how you can play this out while still having a little bit of drama and emotional conflict. Maybe Applejack and Flim got together in a consensual night of passion which ultimately conceived Apple Custard. Maybe afterwards they got into a relationship, especially once they found out Applejack was pregnant. But maybe the rivalry the two families was too strong and the two kept butting heads to the point they just had to split up.
In fact, I’d argue making Apple Custard the child of a consensual relationship makes her choice between choosing one parent over the other an even tougher choice. If she was conceived through rape, Flim’s obviously not the right choice for her at all. But if she was conceived through a consensual relationship and both families were in the grey and were fighting over something else, she has a tough choice on her hands on which parent to pick.
But that’s just me throwing a suggestion out there.
||(That joke was bad and I should feel bad)
not XP||They might not, but hey, it’s just an idea of mine. I can try my best to change it to as G rated as possible.
Edited
It means they don’t like seeing a character getting the Draco in Leather Pants treatment and being turned into a rapist.
I mean, it wouldn’t be too out of character for a character like Queen Chrysalis to do it since she’s like a G rated version of a succubus and what she did to Shining Armor did come off delving really close to bad touch territory. But Flim and Flam? They’re shady business men yes but that’s no where near as bad as rape.
Or alternatively, they don’t like reading about a character they like getting raped. Or both.
EDIT: Ninja’d.
@Background Pony #8074
Maybe they weren’t tagged. There’s quite a lot of Queen Chrysalis/Shining Armor offspring OCs out there that didn’t get that tag despite fitting that category pretty well in regard to the artists’ stories.
Edited