when you feel that crushing ennui, you think I’m unloved, I’m useless, I’m talentless. you can see your loved ones, you know you’re useful, and you know you have talent, but it all seems so fake and hollow. only the negative self-talk feels like the truth, not because it’s true, but because something is wrong in your head. it feels like a lie when you tell yourself that you are loved, because if you were loved, then you wouldn’t feel so terrible, right?
 
wrong! you can feel absolutely horrible for no reason at all, and that sucks!
 
there’s a test though to find out if you really are unloved, or if your emotions are going haywire because of a glitchy brain. pay attention to your feelings, just focus on them without trying to figure out why you’re feeling them, and see if you still feel like shit. you might be surprised to find the caustic feeling of hatred and loathing surges up in you when you aren’t thinking about anything at all. it’s okay if you have a glitchy brain though, it’s just a huge relief to prove that there’s nothing else wrong with you. you can agree that you are loved, and feel like nobody loves you, and that’s just something you feel sometimes. so you can just
 

 
and then it’ll be fine. our emotions need to be frequently stoked or they’ll just sort of… fizzle out. nobody’s brain is physically capable of sustaining an emotion for more than like 40 seconds I think is the figure I was told, so if you just let yourself feel like the world’s ending, and count to 40, you’ll start feeling better. it’s a heck of a lot better than if you feel like the world’s ending, and after 30 seconds of that you figure that you must be a horrible person for feeling that way, and after 30 seconds of feeling horrible for that, you tell yourself it’s never gonna get better, and after 30 seconds of that you feel horrible because everyone hates you, and after 30 seconds of that, and after 30 seconds of that…

I’m wanted by institute. I’m so shrekd. The world gonna roll meh. Mein countrymen.