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I really miss him, even if he was rude and violent and didn’t actually like me… Huh, why did I like him? I guess just having a nutter around like that made me feel sane. And having anyone at all to listen to you is better than no-one.
…well, actually, that’d be kinda scary.
Thanks for the link. That was beautiful, in all of its poorly-drawn glory =) .
The beginning of my depression had been nothing but feelings, so the emotional deadening that followed was a welcome relief. I had always wanted to not give a fuck about anything. I viewed feelings as a weakness — annoying obstacles on my quest for total power over myself. And I finally didn’t have to feel them anymore.
But my experiences slowly flattened and blended together until it became obvious that there’s a huge difference between not giving a f** and not being able to give a f***. Cognitively, you might know that different things are happening to you, but they don’t feel very different.*
Actually, you know what? Read this. Allie is almost the same sort of personality as Pinkie.