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Champions of Equestria

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Description

“It’s just… someponies are jerks, right? Just… just jerks. Like, don’t even get me started on what happened with that nice old mare who owns the gingerbread house.”  
“Huh? What happened?”  
“You… you don’t want to know. Just, if a couple of lost foals ever come knocking just… just close the door and call the cops or something. I mean, it was bad for everypony involved.”

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N2MP

I just remembered a book written by several different authors, who had to make alternate versions of fairy tails. The for Jack and the Beanstalk told this story from the perspective of the giant’s wife. She didn’t feel rage at Jack, for he had no intention of getting her husband killed. She did, however, go after the guy who sold him the magic beans.
 
She believed that a guy who could make some tiny seeds rapidly grow into a gigantic beanstalk into the heavens could surely save a giant from a fall. The story ends with the guy trying to get away from her, and her catching him.
IHateThatHedgehog
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

@Badumsquish 
Blech. Fun fact: somebody did a meme video of the Minions movie but without any Minions–and the resulting half-hour is an infinitely better film than the film with those obnoxious snots running around making poop jokes and being generally the worst.
 
It reminded me why I lost interest in that series almost right away: it had a concept, and it wimped out of following it. A super-villain raising kids. Fun stuff! But he’s not a villain anymore. There is no “Despicable” in Despicable Me anymore. The movies should just get called “Me”. The whole draw for me as a young dumb kid was gone. Like, the second one had some great comedy in it, but it was deep down just a hollow husk. Like the ending of the last movie felt hollow. How much funnier would the series have been if it stuck to its guns and had them all be one big evil family instead of the cliche rubbish of “Kids make me realize I’m a jerk; I’m gonna stop that now”? I dunno, the series lost me pretty early on. Then the Minions happened. Oh boy, did they ever happen…taking the movie away from a very entertaining villain that Sandra Bullock nailed the performance of. Her and her husband are genuinely hilarious. Oh, what could’ve been…
IHateThatHedgehog
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

@Badumsquish 
Oh, definitely. The way it all ended too, with a massive war scene and a chosen one prophecy and a completely WASTED cameo by Sir Christopher Lee–that last half hour sunk it for me, I think. The performances were fine, the effects were well done, but none of that means a bean if the story doesn’t hold up.
 
But hey it made all the money, so now we’re gonna be swimming in pointless remakes and “reimaginings” from now until the first one that bombs. Goody.
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@IHateThatHedgehog 
What I think actually hurt Alice In Wonderland was the tone of the movie itself. Wonderland in the original book was a silly, whimsical, crazy world where anything can happen, right? That movie was too dark and serious, and rooted in rules. That exact same movie, except done in a more lighthearted whimsical way would have totally worked. Imagine that movie as a family adventure kind of movie. However, I do really respect that they tried something new, and there is a lot in that movie I actually like.
IHateThatHedgehog
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

@Badumsquish 
That’s…actually a good point about the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland. Though I think, in that case, it perfectly illustrates the dangers that can come from both changing too much of the source material, and making BAD changes to the source material. Though granted, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen it. I’ll have to rewatch it sometime and give it an honest shakedown.
 
It’s actually a subject I find quite entertaining to discuss. Like, I know most people really, and I mean REALLY didn’t like it, but 2010’s The Nutcracker in 3D (or Nutcracker The Untold Story, on US home video) I felt was a great case of drastically changing a fairy tale in a way that actually works, as its own adaptation. Is it like the book or especially the ballet? PFFT. No way. It takes chunks from each, and makes its own little anti-totalitarian Grimm nightmare with it. And I dug it. Nobody else did, judging by the 0% on RT (now that’s a PINCH hyperbolic, don’tcha think?) but screw it I liked it a lot.
 
Where else are you gonna see John Turturro, The Jesus himself, decked out in full Nazi regalia but themed after rodents and an Andy Warhol wig, address from his mechanical fortress the captive citizens about the glories of letting themselves be turned into rats, and blotting out the sun so they can rule for a thousand years (they really go there) while toys are being shoveled off to be burned in furnaces (why yes, they do go all the way and enact a toy Holocaust. Believe it or not, it’s actually rather tastefully done compared to what the imagination might cook up) while Elle Fanning and her monkey butler toy sidekick sneak through the crowd. And the speech is a song, set to a theme from Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 6. And John Turturro interrupts it to dance to a jazzed up version of the Spanish Dance from the ballet, as weeping children have their toys ripped out of their hands by Nazi uniformed rodent soldiers.
 
Yeah. Its…honestly the weirdest fairy tale made in the modern day, that also happens to have a massive budget ($90 million!)
Badumsquish
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@IHateThatHedgehog 
It was definitely the most unique and creative of all the adaptations. That’s something I really appreciate, is when someone tries to do something new with a story that’s been told to death.
 
Like, say what you want about the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland being “too different”, but that story’s been told to death :P
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The Fluffiest
@IHateThatHedgehog 
What review? I have literally stopped paying any attention to what nonsense he cranks out. As I’ve mentioned in the “downfall of channel awesome” thread, I feel like he’s just constantly been on a downslope ever since he peaked not long after Tamara joined. Forest Warrior was where he started to suck, I feel like. The whole string of videos leading up to that were all excellent.
IHateThatHedgehog
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

@Dirty Bit 
It really was one of his best in awhile. A much needed callback to the way things were. Hope he does more of them. Never watched a movie he reviewed faster than this one. For my money, this version of this particular fairy tale is certainly among the most fascinating attempted. It’s uneven as Hell in places, but the stuff that works works so well, who really cares? I’ll take this one over the countless others of Jack and The Beanstalk which, while better made, don’t really bring anything new to the table or are just plain bad.
 
As is, this fairy tale has only been adapted even decently, as far as I know, twice. This one from the 70s, and the one starring Mickey, Donald and Goofy. MAYBE Jack the Giant Slayer from 2010, roughly, and even then that one was far from perfect and sure didn’t feel like a true fairy tale.
IHateThatHedgehog
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

That’s nothing. Her brother was tricked by their mother, the witch-Madame Hecuba, Madame Noir, either or–into believing a beautiful princess loved him, when actually the witch brainwashed her into loving him. When he found out, he killed their wicked mother (who may or may not have been a robot the whole time,) only to then himself be killed by some farm boy who, as far as he knew, stole his would-be bride at the altar from him. Tricked by his mother, the only love he ever knew stolen from him by a farm boy, and then killed by that same boy-
 
Boy, giants have all the luck, don’t they? Hardly very HaPpYyYyY how he ended up.
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That cutie mark leaves me with a few questions but mostly all I can think is that looks super comfy.
 
To those who are wondering about the cutie mark, it’s a reference to the line “I’ll grind his bones into bread” that the giant says in the original fairy tale.