@Tyrranux
 
…You cheeky d*ck-waffle. I love it.

@wildrook  
ALUCARD: We do now.
 
INTEGRA: …….and how exactly do we now have one?
 
ALUCARD: Well when a mother tree and a daddy grow in the same spot together-
 
INTEGRA: You got into the munitions budget again didn’t you?
 
ALUCARD: No of course not! I learned my lesson……..so I just stole theses trees from someone else’s farm.
 
INTEGRA: …..even better…..
 
(Integra then pulls out a ghastly looking witch’s charm made out of a shrunken head)
 
INTEGRA: Now how did that anti-vampire transformation spell go again?
 
ALUCARD: Oh c’mon man they’re just trees! And apples are good for you! Yo can have apple pies just like your dad used to make!
 
INTEGRA: Oh now I remember!
 
ALUCARD: Please don’t turn me into a little newt again-
 
INTEGRA: HOCKETY POCKETY WOCKTY WACK! ALUCARD’S BEING A FUCKING TWAT! HIGITUS FIGITUS ZUMBABAZING! TURN HIM INTO A DIFFERENT THING!
 
(Alucard is then turned into a black cat)
 
ALUCARD: You do realize that this is basically giving me permission (and incentive) to turn your desk into a litter box and scratching post right?
 
INTEGRA: Walter, let the guard dogs into the manor.
 
WALTER: At once my lady.
 
ALUCARD: Oh shit…..

Alucard: Search me. She was like that before I found her in the apple grove.
 
Integra: We don’t HAVE an apple grove.

This seems relevant

“C’mon Alucard! Seras is waiting!”  
(meanwhile)  
“Say, Fluttershy, is it just me or did you dye your mane?”  
“I feel so pretty”

Didn’t know her cutie mark changes.