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TrixieBea. I’ll give you a hug.“To anypony who finds this,
I decided to stop lying to herself. I am not “Great and Powerful”, nor will I ever be. It’s over. It’s time to grow up, give it up and move on. I will be known from here on as “Bea” - short for my real name, Beatrix. My last name…I won’t say. I don’t want to shame my late mother’s name any more than I have. Even if very few ponies knew her real name.
Before she died at the hospital when I was a filly, Mom said, in her last words, that I will be great someday. After she died, I struggled, first in that horrid orphanage, then on the streets, to rise up and live up to my mother’s expectations. To be the greatest and most powerful magician ever. But I have failed. And every night I cry over how sorry I am.
At least I never mentioned my Mom’s real first name, or her once-famous stage name, and what she did before I was born - and I won’t now. I knew my act was all bullying and lies, and I love her too much to name-drop her into it. Her career ended and her fortune was lost before I was born anyways. But when she had me, she didn’t care about all that - her love for me was all that mattered. Let her rest in peace…and anonymity.
I love you, Mom.
After being friends with Maud for some time, I’ve learned to see things from a different perspective. Maybe it’s not all the fame, the glamor or the notoriety. Life seems to be much more than that. While I find it hard to believe that her sister is that silly pink party mare, I see some of myself in her as well. We both are sad and scared inside. We both wanted acceptance. We both wanted to entertain others. But she went about it with friendship and happiness, even if she was sometimes loud and annoying. But that was far better than how I tried to get approval. I attacked, fought and humiliated others. I made enemies. I caused misery. I am so, so, so very sorry. I will never do that again.
And to make sure, I will never preform magic for entertainment ever again. If I do, I’ll just slip back into my old ways. For me to be a better pony, I must radically change my life and start over. That means “The Great And Powerful Trixie” is no more.
Perhaps I may become great someday, but NOT as a show pony. That part of my life is over. Gone. Finished. Lower the curtains. Turn off the spotlight. The show is over. Farewell.
If anypony comes across this letter and my stage clothes, please read this as both a plea of understanding - as well as a warning. I am not a bad pony. I am trying to be better. But sometimes, especially when you’re young and you are alone and scared, and life gets too hard, one can turn bitter and wage war against the world, even if it sometimes doesn’t deserve it. It’s in such times that one needs a friend. I had no friends - until recently. I must work on that. And friendship, Fillies and Gentlecolts, is far better than any magic show - for better or worse.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I feel.
Free.