I’ve been thinking a lot, and I feel like most of my major problems (the reasons I feel like I’ll never actually be ready for the real world) boil down to a combination of laziness and crippling lack of confidence.
I am a lazy fuck. It’s true. I have no initiative to actually go and do anything because I’ve spent the last 17 years of my life spending all my non-school time doing basically nothing but sitting on the computer, playing video games, hanging out with friends (although that last one rarely happens anymore), etc, and I feel like I wouldn’t be able to handle actual responsibilities and stuff.
And even when I do have to do stuff, I have absolutely no confidence in myself. For even the most absolutely mundane shit I have to constantly ask someone if I’m doing it right, and if I have the slightest misgiving about what I’m doing (even if I’m like 90% sure I’d do it right) I just sit there and do nothing because I’m too scared that I’d mess something up. And I just can’t work under lots of pressure: you’d think something being really important would motivate me to actually get it done, but more often than not it’s exactly the opposite.
(And the fact that even the concept of having actual romantic/sexual relationships is pretty much out of the question for me because of my zoophilia isn’t helping matters.)
I’ll never understand how some people actually want to move out and get a job and stuff, and meanwhile the fact that someday I’ll have to do that is terrifying to me.
