MYMC05E5: Mane Smelody Reaction Script (A): Pipp starts a new product line

[Pipp Petals]

[singing]

Butler: Aaaahhhh, what a lovely singing voice, Princess! Your flawlessly smooth tenor vocals never ceases to brighten everypony’s morning!

Pipp Petals: Ooh, great lighting! Nature selfie!

[phone beeps, camera clicks]

Butler: Be sure to add polarized filters, so the intense brightness doesn’t bleach your beautiful rosy visage!

Butler: AAAHHH, BLASTED WEEDS!!!! Somepony out there needs to properly straighten out the property of this public cobblestone road!

Pipp Petals: [screams] My natural beauty forage haul!

Sheesh! Watch where you’re going, plants! Ugh, that really hurts!

Butler: Bridlewood could definitely use a groundskeeper, so as to prevent such unexpected mishaps on our unsuspecting dainty hooves!

Pipp Petals: That inkthistle shined my hooves so bright, I can see my own reflection!

Butler: Perhaps this “weed” deserves a chance to be spared from pesticidal eradication!

Pipp Petals: [gasps] My plant-finder app didn’t tell me it could do that!

Butler: We need to inform the makers of this app about this AMAZING update!! Call the royal ZBS presses!!

Pipp Petals: Whoa-ho-ho, mama! I think my future’s gonna be bright!

Butler: BRIGHT with shining hooves AND golden shower bits!! PIPP PIPP HUZZAAAHHH!!!

Pipp Petals: Mmm… Huh… Little fragrant. But look at that shine!

Butler: HUH, no matter! Nothing but a dash of sal ammoniac and pure bleach won’t fix!

[bunnicorn sniffs, coughs]

@Background Pony #E8B6

Pipp Petals: Jazz, look!

Butler: Guess who made a new product line for our Mane Melody brand!!

Jazz Hooves: Oh, these are… [sniffs] Ugh! …Nice! They’re nice!

Butler: Now, I know that it reeks as horribly as a beggar’s untrimmed hoofnails, but with a mix of some scent-masking concoctions, I’m sure we can market this as a more nasally-tolerable hoof polisher!

Pipp Petals: Ever seen hooves this shiny?

Butler: It is like witnessing the almighty glory of the ancient Celestia goddess herself!!
—AHEM, minus the royal perfume fragrance…

Jazz Hooves: My, that is bright! You could power a lighthouse with that shimmer! [gags]

Butler: BLLLEEGHHH, and apparently also repel a plague horde of rats with that foul stench too! It’s a work in progress, I know!

Pipp Petals: It’s a miracle beauty discovery cropping up all over Bridlewood Forest!

Butler: We need to hire earth pony gardeners to magically grow our new found bit blossoms at our community garden, so that we can start experimenting with brewing the perfect enchanting concoction before we can start with the mass production!

Jazz Hooves: This has potential! Which is great, because our sales have been dropping ever since our last failed promotion.

Butler: UUUGGGGGHHHHH, do not REMIND me!

Rosedust: [screaming] Get it off! Get it off!

Butler: (Flashback) OH deary me! I TOLD you it was a dastardly terrible idea to include birdseeds and crushed nut powder into our facial cream beauty lines!

It will attract the flying hungry plague rats!

Pipp Petals: Huh.

Pipp Petals: Maybe using actual ice cream as a face mask treatment wasn’t that great of an idea.

Butler: ESPECIALLY if most of our premium subscription base is both lactose-intolerant AND have severe nut allergies! This is the reason you DO NOT release product lines prematurely without MY consultation, Your Highness!

Jazz Hooves: —those shiny hooves could redeem us.

Butler: Of course, though if we are to prevent such a tragic sales marketing pitch like ice creamy facials, we need to process this polish through rigorous focus consumer tests first-hoof!

Jazz Hooves: Let’s test it out! Who will be our guinea pony?

Butler: I THINK I found the PERFECT focus test subject!! Our royal detective AND inspector do have a knack for uncovering the unexplored mysteries, so let’s ask her to uncover the mysteries behind this golden weed!

Pipp Petals: Zipp!

Zipp Storm: [gasps]

Pipp Petals: It’s your lucky day!

Inspector Mare: OOOOH, did we win the lottery??!!

Butler: EVEN BETTER! YOU get to be the first pony to try out our NEW product line!!

Inspector Mare: WHAT??! OH NONONONONONONOO! After that horrid rat plague incident and being summoned by multiple lawsuits from several ponies creamed with infectiously licked ice-cream, I am NOT going to be dragged into this flyin’ horse-feather hogwash! COUNT ME OUT!

Butler: TRUST US! Princess Pipp has learned her lesson from last time! It is why we must procure a test subject to ensure our product line is palatable before marketing!

Pipp Petals: Oh! We can’t wait to know what you think of this great shiny find I came across – inkthistle!

Zipp Storm: [sniffs]

Jazz Hooves: You okay?

Inspector Mare: PPPWWWAAHHHHHH, JITTERY DRILL RIGS IN A HAIL STORM!! What in the HAY was that??!! It smells like sulfuric gas mixed with arsenic puffin’ from an coal-cleanin’ refinery!!

Zipp Storm: [coughs] Uh, yeah. That was from something else. Can’t do the hoof thing! I’m busy! Gotta run!

Pipp Petals: Uh, busy with what?

Zipp Storm: Investigating! Bye!

Inspector Mare: HEHEHHE, good luck on finding your next victims—ERRR–I mean, product promoters, Princess!! Call me if you need help escaping from the angry mob again!

Inspector Mare: By the Six Saviours of Equestria, Detective! What in tarnation has your fashion-fallable sister has dragged herself into now??! Whatever it is, I do NOT want to be reeled into whatever garbage she had dug up!

Zipp Storm: Bleh! [sighs] That stuff stinks! Bleh!

Inspector Mare: That rancid weed smelt worse than a sweaty oil rig-mare’s underpants on a hot summer day in the oilsand desert!

Pipp Petals: Sunny! Lucky you!

Professor: Lucky HER??! Is this her 1000th visit to Mane Melody already??!

Butler: 1001…actually. She already had her free oiled coat massage yesterday…

BUT—we have something WAY more rewarding in store for our intrepid alicorn celebrity!

Pipp Petals: You get to be the first pony to try our new, all-natural luxury hooficure treatment!

Professor: Au naturel??! You tryin’ to save your business reputation by going green with new sustainable practices, Princess??

Because unless you have plans to restructure your business model after that rat-a-tat ruckus, all this green-washing isn’t going to change everypony’s minds in Maretime Bay!

Butler: We’ll work out the kinks as quickly and thoroughly as possible, Professor! We’ll hire top chemists and buy the best lab equipment to better streamline our product testing process!

Sunny Starscout: Whoa! [gags]

Professor: WHAT THE FUMBLIN’ HAYSTACKS ON A ROLLING HILL, Princess??!! Why in Twilight’s Coronation did you bring a weed that as a foul stench of a Rafflesia carrion flower??!!

You’re gonna end up bringing disease-carrying FLIES into this establishment if you don’t take it outside this town and burn it in a desolate fire pits of Tartarus!!

Pipp Petals: What do you think?

Professor: WHAT DO I THINK???!!!

Butler: NOW HANG ON THERE, Professor! Let’s not get hasty! I told you we would work out on removing the stench, but if you rub this on your hooves—!!

Professor: (Lets go of Princess Pipp)

The FUDGICLES I’ll rub this on!! What if I get caustic burns and blisters from that plant??! You need to take this outside—or at least take it to the Canterlogic University Bio-Labs to test out what in the hay is in that plant!

Professor: SOMEPONY TAKE HER TO THE CHEAPEST HOSPITAL! And put her on oxygen ASAP!

Pipp Petals: Don’t worry, Sunny. I know this inkthistle plant itself has a little bit of a… funky aroma at first, but—-

Professor: (Wearing a gas mask) That’s an understatement!

Pipp Petals: —-the incredible hoof cream I’ve made out of it is scentless.

Butler: As there is nopony who is willing to test it for themselves, I personally had it all thoroughly examined for any hint of malodorous residue––by smearing it over the bunny-corns in our testing room to examine their reactions afterwards!

Professor: SAY WHAT NOW??!!!

Butler: Not to worry! I used the most natural and authentic plant-based materials! No synthetic or artificial ingredients added! PLUS I wash them off with an ammoniac bath to clear out any remaining stench after the tests were done!

Professor: THAT’S NOT THE POINT OVER HERE!!!

Pipp Petals: The perfect, luxurious touch for those seeking a top notch hooficure with lasting shine!

Butler: Instead of the reeking malficient odours of ink-thistle, it now has a more palatable masking scent of my synergic plant mix, harvested from balsam fir, sassafras and goldenrod! You’ll smell like you’d just trotted over a flowery meadow field!

Jazz Hooves: [sniffs, strained] You’re right! It’s… kind of… nice!

Sunny Starscout: Yup! Just, uh, super pleasant!

Pipp Petals: [high-pitched giggle] I’m so excited to start selling these treatments!

Professor: (Takes a short waft of the scent from the malodorous bottle)

PPLEEHAAAHHH, JEEPERS!!! Scentless, my bare bottoms! Somehow, that smells even WORSE than the raw pungent road ink-weed itself!! I think the foul mix of sulfides, phenols, indoles and amines are violently reacting with the other chemical fragrances and are actually breaking down to release even more pungent odors in the air!!

Pretty sure this polish of yours makes better biological stink bombs that cosmetic beauty products!