Okay, Chapter 2 (or I guess Chapter 1, since the preceding chapter is a prologue)
Disclaimer here, I’m not really good at critiquing things like plot or character.
Some things that stuck out to me that I liked: the “swordfish” reference, the Omnitrix explaining what it is and what it does (I don’t think it did that in the original series), the Omnitrix reacting to being slapped down like Ben always seems to do (it said GENTLY press the face down, darn it!)
There’s a few punctuation, grammar, and spelling errors*(for example, I don’t think you meant to describe the robotic crabs as “orgy brown”; last time I checked, orgies were all different colors of skin :-P)*, but nothing that makes the story unreadable. I didn’t want to put them here, but I can. Or I can just send you a private message, if you’d prefer.
“Also, I decided that the Omnitrix should be more interactive a character in their own right not just a device.”
Good choice! I had already expressed my liking of the interaction between the Omnitrix and Ben, so I’m on board with it.
Chapter 3
I know about the Charms and “Lucky Girl”, but since when were there elves? Or would it be a bad time to admit that I haven’t watched this series since…the second one? the one where Ben and Gwen are older (15-16-ish)?
Chapter 4
Ben has a Pokemon for a pet?
So “Alex” and “Fiona” have met. Since you have “Ben/Gwen” as one of the tags, I’m assuming they fall in love. It will be hilariously awkward to find out that the person they’re crushing on is actually their cousin!
A crossover alien might be the second or third new alien introduced it will most likely be Tamaranean, but I’m also considering Deoxys and Wookiee. Down the line, I might include Captain Planet just because I love elemental powers. I’m considering one more but that’ll be for late game.
Alien species from other series added to the Omnitrix…I must say, that’s a pretty clever idea. But don’t go overboard and try to mix a dozen different shows/movies/video games into it.
All in all, I could see myself reading more when you get around to writing more.