Holy shit, John

What

Cannon:  
trust me Zecora it looks fine  
Cora:  
but what if she doesn’t like me now?  
for what i did last time is not allowed?  
i broke her trust and took control  
maybe darkness is in my soul  
i should have tried to take it slow  
she said stop and i said go  
maybe me she does not adore  
perhaps she’ll speak to me no-more  
oh please Jay be a dearest friend  
please help from the start to end  
i cannot tackle it alone  
wont you be my chaperone?  
Cannon:  
fine, I’ll come with  
anytime you want just say the word and I’ll leave you two alone  
…  
at club  
Cora:  
Oh my I fear she hesitates  
for now the hour is quite late  
i think that my fairest beauty  
may be out tonight to do her duty  
i am such a lonely pup  
i hope she doesn’t stand me up..  
Cannon:  
will you stop worrying so much?  
i know she feels the same about you  
you just gotta believe in yourse-  
doors slam open  
that doesn’t sound good  
Celestia:  
greetings loyal subjects  
Cannon:  
oh no  
not her  
Celestia:  
show me to the operator of this establishment  
Cannon:  
hide me  
ducks under table  
Cora:  
that is such a strange thing to do  
what beef does tia have with you?  
Cannon:  
yano in Equestria a gay bar isn’t exactly legal  
Celestia:  
hello Zecora  
I will be Luna’s chaperone on her date  
so you better not do anything to hurt her  
or the consequences will be severe  
why do you keep looking under the table  
looks under table  
Cannon:  
hehe  
hi Celestia  
I’m the uh..  
Uh..the..  
Cora:  
Jay has come as my chaperone  
To help me not face this alone  
Cannon:  
climbs up into seat  
sorry, i just slipped out of my seat  
Celestia:  
can i have a word with you for a second Jay  
Cannon:  
err  
well  
okay  
Celestia:  
guides Cannon round a corner  
Listen here buddy  
This means a lot to Luna so you better not screw this up  
Cannon:  
phew  
I’m glad you feel that way  
I was worried you’d hate me  
Celestia:  
why? what have you done to make me hate you?  
No, the only one I hate is the pony who set up this place behind my back  
And when this date is done I’m gonna tear this place down and burn all the rubble  
Cannon:  
sigh  
I did it  
Celestia:  
What?!  
Cannon:  
I know you don’t like homosexuality but just look at those two  
points at Luna and Zecora  
smiling and laughing at the table  
You can’t deny they’re happy  
And many other couples that use this club  
Celestia:  
being gay is wrong  
homophilia deserves to be eradicated just like all the freaks in this world  
Cannon:  
so what are you going to do Tia?  
banish your sister again?  
turn her to stone?  
smash her into a thousand pieces?  
Celestia:  
no, not her  
Cannon:  
humph  
so your gonna do it to all the other happy couples but not your own sister  
thats favoritism tia  
we’re all supposed to be equal  
Celestia:  
fine  
you can keep your bar  
but if i see anypony being gay outside of this place then their punishment will be severe  
Cannon:  
is that your best offer?  
that’s a bitter pill  
Celestia:  
that’s my only offer freak  
that or i destroy the place and arrest everyone  
Cannon:  
fine, i’ll take it  
now we are gonna sit at that table  
and we are gonna smile  
and we are going to get along  
and we are going to make this a magical night for both of them  
you got that?!  
You may be the princess but I will not let you ruin the happiness of two of my best friends  
no matter what you threaten me with  
now go over there  
sit down  
and be nice  
or i’m gonna get real ugly on your ass  
got it?!  
Celestia:  
kisses Jay on the lips  
i see why she chose you to be her chaperone  
Cannon:  
blushing  
shakes it off  
c’mon, we got a date to make perfect  
Celestia:  
grabs Jay’s hoof as she walks back to the table  
Cannon (thinking):  
oh shit she fancies me  
both sit down next to each other watching the couple make lovey faces over the table to each other  
Celestia’s wing grabs Cannon’s waist and pulls him way too uncomfortably close for a gay colt to be near to a mare  
Cannon:  
looks up at tia  
(Celestia)  
(I’m gay)  
Celestia:  
looking down at Jay  
(Nobody’s really gay)  
(They just think they are)  
Cannon:  
(let me go!)  
Celestia:  
(No! We are gonna look like we’re best of friends)  
(for Luna)  
Cannon:  
(and Zecora)  
Celestia:  
(yeah, her too, whatever)  
…  
night wares on  
eventually they leave the bar together  
Cannon:  
That went well  
So what are you two going to do now?  
Luna:  
we thought we’d go somewhere together  
thanks for making the night so wonderful  
you can go home now we’ll be okay  
Celestia:  
why don’t you go to the castle?  
Cannon:  
Tia! They don’t want to go to the castle! Where you can keep an eye on them!  
They wanna go somewhere they can be alone  
Luna:  
your place Zecora?  
Cora:  
although we’ve drunk the night is young  
how about we have some fun?  
and for this i dare to suggest  
the fairground in town now is the best  
Cannon:  
Sounds good  
You two have fun  
waves goodbye  
Tia grabs his hoof  
Tia  
I told you I’m not-  
sees Tia is in tears  
Celestia throws her forelegs around Cannon  
Celestia:  
cries  
My little sister is growing up!  
Cannon:  
feels shocked and awkward  
smiles and pats her on the back  
there there  
we’ve all got to grow up some time  
Celestia:  
loosens hug  
I don’t know how I’d get through this night without you  
Cannon:  
err..  
what do you mean?  
Celestia:  
pulls Jay into a long kiss and holds him tight  
Cannon:  
squirms to get free and then slaps Tia in the face  
Go home Tia  
You’re drunk  
Celestia:  
shocked with tears in her eyes  
lets him go and trots away sadly  
Cannon:  
feels really awkward and guilty  
Wait!  
I’ll walk you home  
It’s the least i can do

Elric of Melinpony, you forgot to rhyme,  
But since it’s a poem, we’ll forgive you this time. ;-)

Zebra in a skirt  
It’s nice work from the artist  
Here, have a haiku

I wanted to comment about the stereotype,  
but then I got caught by the rhyming hype.

All of these comments I have read  
With Zecora’s voice within my head.

“Stop this rhyming now, I mean it!”  
“Anybody want a peanut?”

Look at you all, dressed up to prance  
So now will you show us a little dance?

I think our zebra’s really cute,  
and that leafy skirt she really suits!

This wonderful image I must say  
Has made me place my vote for yea.

May I suggest for this one time  
That all comments here must rhyme?