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Dashole

OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot  
Tryin’ to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil.  
When I see this colt Speedy Delivery tryin’ to carry a big ol’ sofa up the stairs all by himself.  
So I, I say to him, I say “Hey, you want me to help you with that?”  
And Speedy, he just rolls his eyes and goes  
“No, I want you to cut off my wings and legs with a chainsaw!”
 
So I did.