boooorrrrrriiiinnngggg!

“I am going to die. Twilight Sparkle, forcibly relocated me to Ponyville for what she claimed was my safety, but the slackjaws who populate this town make my flesh scream. A young filly said “hello” to me today. I stared back at her, my mind screeching as I looked for a way to escape this unwanted interaction. As my face grew red with nauseous stress, a blood vessel popped in my nose, and a jet of crimson shot out of my nostrils, splattering us both with blood. She, screamed and ran away. As pleased as I was at the time, I fear causing fountains of blood to shoot from my face will not be a viable long-term strategy for avoiding conversation.”

Twilight, leave the study of Xenoarcaeological artifacts to the professional. She made a seismograph out of trash. You can’t even work an EEG.