[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@Applejack007  
Sorry to hear that. I know that feeling.

@Crystalis  
I probably wouldn’t if I wasn’t so focused on a certain thing.

I wish I could sleep whole day or get into lucid dreaming but I’m too lazy… Sadly.

Well, got chewed out for meeting a friend.

@Applejack007  
That sucks.

Once again, got annoyed with my gf.

@Applejack007  

 
Jealous GF?

I miss when I used to be happy/excited about Christmas.

@Genevamode  
No, It wasn’t about that. I’m just tired, you know? Everyday I fuck up. Every goddamn day. On top of that I obsess over things that probably mean nothing and drive myself into the damn ground.

I don’t have the fucking balls but if I did I would probably end myself.

@Background Pony #B429  
:(

Back to crying. Like what fucking else do I have to lose? I mean I guess my gf..and honestly starting to believe it’ll happen soon.

BGP is me. But..I guess I just have to be honest. Ponies aren’t doing it for me. They aren’t. The leaks were exciting..but I just find leaks exciting in general. Nothing to hype me up for the upcoming season. I guess I’m done..I really only care about a handful of characters, but they tend to get shafted so..yeah. But I’m still here. I guess I can’t completely tear myself away. Was telling my GF about the leaks and my bitterness got in the way and she said she gives up and I “win”. I was confused as to what I had “won” but she hasn’t replied..instead a friend had to send me screenshots of their conversation. Claims it isn’t me but herself..no. I refuse to believe that. Ever since I became the mess that I am things have just gone badly. And now NO ONE is replying so I don’t know what’s going on.

@Background Pony #B429  
Relationships really aren’t anything to worry about tbh. IMO they’re overrated.

@Genevamode  
But I love my gf so much. It’s why I care so fucking much because more than anything I want that. They may not matter to you but I love my gf. I really do deep down.

I just realized (or rather remembered) something that’s very depressing. It’s pretty TMI though so it’s not something I want to post publically… I feel like talking to someone about it yet at the same time I feel it would be too much trouble. If anyone wishes to PM me about it, be my guest but I’ve never been good at reaching out to others.

@Background Pony #B429  
Love and loyalty need to be reciprocated. If she leaves you, she was never yours.

@Genevamode  
Through everything she never has.

@Background Pony #B429  
Then perhaps you’ve found a keeper! Congratulations!

@Genevamode  
Yeah, maybe you’ll find someone because they really are amazing. Relationships that is, when they work.

I dont like leaks. Im patient, I have time.
 
Btw i feel better but sometimes bored. Im waiting christmas. Good food, etc. I feel my family closer.
 
I never thinked about suicide as a thing that i would do. I like the knowledge that i have. I know programming. And i love my family. I dont have gf or friends only my family. But thats enough for me.
 
I survive everything because im strong enough.

@LightningBolt  
That’s true pretty much for most stuff on life

I lay in a bed, pretty dark due to it being sunrise… Shades are drawn, watching Bob’s Burgers.
 
Things seem silent…
 
Sigh.
 
Not sure if I feel lonely.

@Dave33333  
I feel lonely a lot too even though I have a lot of people around.

@LightningBolt  
I never get excited about Christmas. :P
 
But I also do have a holyday that I usually get excited about, it’s Eid day. But now Eid Day it’s feel quite empty especially after I became an Atheist.