Crazy Headcanons

EQG!Applejack’s parents are actually alive.

@Jarkes  
And they’re British.

@Jarkes  

 
😊

Oxen in Equestria speak in contradictions.

Smolder, Silverstream and Yona didn’t know how to read until they were selected to the School of Friendship.

@Mildgyth  
Yona still not know how to read. Yona smash books to get knowledge.

@Dustcan  

 
Anybody? Get it?

@Dustcan  
Oxymoron

Pinkie will become chubby when she’s married and having foals

@RhodieNite
 
I’m surprised she’s not chubby already.

Celestia doesn’t appreciate jokes about her age. Or weight.

@Dustcan
 
Especially the weight bit, because, as an immortal, she’s immune to weight/diet-related maladies, like diabetes and arteriosclerosis.
 
She can still gain (and lose) weight though. During the first ten years of Luna’s banishment, Celestia more closely resembled the fat white horse from What’s Opera, Doc? than her usual svelte self.

Mrs Shy has never had sex due to her chronic shyness. She went to a doctor and used magic to get pregnant.

The Cake couple are extremely romantic and affectionate, to the point they often show public display of affection

Dabbing is illegal in Equestria.

@Dustcan  
So are limitless microtransactions (so The Sims 4 is fine for now, but the rest I dunno)

Due to a petition drafted by its citizens, Tempest is officially banished from the Crystal Empire in the Crystal Empire, despite having never been there before. The crystal ponies aren’t inclined to forgive her for enslaving the population of Canterlot, as it reminds them too much of how they suffered under King Sombra.
 
If she’s caught setting hoof in the place, she faces at least three months of imprisonment, increasing depending on how far past the border she goes and what he does while she’s there, up to a maximum of fifteen years before any other relevant charges are added to the punishment. Whatever the sentence, it is to be served in a prison as far from the Crystal Empire as their jurisdiction allows them to place her; the town of Somnambula would be considered ideal if they had a suitable cell.

@Scrounge  
Good one, I imagine Tempest would attempt to escape prison as well once she was caught
 

@RainbowDash69  
Or she’d just not go to the Crystal Empire, since she probably doesn’t have a reason to be there. Place is kind of a tourist trap and Edgehorse isn’t really into the whole “having fun” thing; :P

Quidditch is a very popular sport among Pegasi.

Garble is Smolder’s cousin.

@Scrounge
 
@Mildgyth  
Didn’t she go there in her IDW comic though when she was meeting up with Cadance?

@Scrounge  

@icey wicey 1517  
I consider the comics an alternate continuity.
 
Also, I believe in my heart of hearts that if Tempest hadn’t gotten her cheap shot on Cadance in first, the fight at the start of the Movie have gone a lot differently, since she’s less prone to getting worfed than the other alicorns.

Canterlot City is set somewhere in California…and they’re the laughingstock of said state.