Crazy Headcanons (super alpha no pony edition)

The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street: The aliens’ own people called them to account. Even though the humans still had moral agency and were far from blameless, the malicious temptation was utterly heinous.

To borrow from Shakespeare’s Othello (a similar story of malicious temptation):
“Tau Cetian dogs,
“More fell than antimatter or black holes,
“Look on the tragic carnage on this world!
“This is your work! To save the natives will
“Require diplomacy with skill and luck;
“Time is our foe. To you, Lord Magistrate,
“Remains the censure of these hellish villains,
“Of where and when and how they die! Enforce it!
“I’m for Majriti*, where I’ll to the state
“This loathsome crime with anxious heart relate.”

* The official name of Upsilon Andromedae d in real life.

Link has a way with ladies but he’s clueless that Zelda is into him.

Giratina was actually quite happy in the Reverse World. The whole idea of Arceus being displeased with him was a lie. It was actually Dialga and Palkia who always got into fights and trouble. Giratina just kept to himself, he was the real favorite.

Arceus made up that lie to make Palkia and Dialga feel better about themselves, but they actually get on Arceus’s nerves.

Dragnet: Joe Friday’s father anglicized his surname from Freitag during World War I.

In Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” the murder victim had been a widowed father of two grade schoolers and a preschooler, and not exactly rolling in dough himself.

Two for Square One TV:

1: In “Ghost of a Chance”, the ghost had run an illegal gambling operation for the mob in life.
2: Mathnet: Weird Al used the Googols’ “Without Math” aka “Don’t Leave, Just Stay, I’ll Go*” in one of his polka medleys.

* A title change that was a clue in the story.

After the events of The Room, Denny swears revenge on Lisa and Mark. He is aided by the ghost of Johnny and absorbs Johnny’s vampire blood.

Scout actually knows french, he just chooses not to speak it.

So if I’m head canon-ing that Pit from “Kid Icarus: Uprising” is autistic, should Dark Pit be on the spectrum as well? Did the Mirror copy Pit’s disability as well?

In his youth Picard saw the all the extant Friendship Is Magic episodes, and in “Q Who” his mind unconsciously connected Q’s voice and mannerisms with Discord’s.

Star Wars: Spurch Warhog Goa was forever haunted by his treachery towards Greedo in setting him up to be outmatched by Han Solo. In the end he went mad.

Kansas’ “Point of Know Return” is actually about the story of Moby Dick.

Transformers: While both of them are good at science, Shockwaves is more of the “Theorical Scientist” whereas Starscream is more on the “Application Scientist”.

Gunsmoke: Dolly Varden and Mr. Paris DID learn how to make an honest living. In that way, Paris getting shot in the hand and the two getting run out of Dodge was one of the best things that ever happened to them.

Prydain: Soon after the fight on Aeddan’s land, someone in Goryon or Gast’s service came up with the idea of branding livestock (independently of any other culture).

Gunsmoke: Word of what that deceased photographer did got back east (that he’d had a local murdered to take a photo of a scalped man), and he was effectively damnātiō-memoriaed in the profession.

In the MST3K episode “Time Chasers” (aired Nov. 22, 1997) during the host segments Crow goes back in time to convince Mike Nelson not to abandon his music band, as it would prevent him from getting shot into space years later. However Mike is killed in the altered timeline, and his abusive brother Eddie takes the job instead (and riffs on the movie alongside the bots). So Crow goes back to convince his past self NOT to convince Mike and let him take the temp jobs. The end of the episode reveals that the first Crow to go back is now working in the same cheese factory in the past (“Cheese ain’t gonna cut itself”).

My headcanon: While this was never resolved, cuz you should really just relax, my belief is that somewhere down the line, Crow runs into Joel, who inspires him to create the future Crow and the bots after he gets shot into space. Also the first Crow dies after, preserving the loop.

Star Trek: Paramount in the star trek universe merged with hasbro.

Mass Effect 2 Paragon Run: Ronald Taylor repented in the slammer.

I believe Kamek is genderfluid, as he’s been crossdressing a few times in the past (mainly to fool Mario, but he did admit that he liked doing so in “Mario & Luigi: Dream Team” after remarking how his blue robes were so “bleh”)

Adam-12: Motor Officer Grant’s cheerful demeanor is an affectation and a part of a coping mechanism for all the tragedy and wickedness he’s witnessed in the many cases he’s dealt with. He’s basically laughing to keep from crying and raging.

Dragnet: Some of Joe Friday’s the-reason-you-suck speeches to remorseless perps are him channeling his anger into words to ensure that that’s ALL they erupt into.

Myst: When Atrus, Katran, and the Averonese discovered the Age of Ti’am in their search for survivors from the fall of D’ni, they found its history as a home away from home for a happy family just as heartwarming as the American researchers would over two hundred years later.

Pearl is a lesbian.

The Year the Yankees Lost the Pennant/D[yay] Yankees: The other Joe Hardy, the second sucker that Applegate brought in when Joe Boyd backed out, was still with the Yankees in 1960–and a number of people saw Applegate’s look of pure terror in the World Series when he and Roberto Clemente made eye contact.

Myst: In the third imager message on Channelwood, wherein Achenar is heard to mention Sirrus by name, Achenar was doing what he had said he would do in his note to Sirrus (that you find in Sirrus’ cache on Mechanical):