The Downfall of Bhaalspawn (contains possible SJW discussions)

top-text-bottom-text asked:
I got into a debate with a peer today about wether or not North Korea was safer than North America, do you have any opinions on the subject?

North America. Rapidly catching up to North Korea, but not quite there yet.

I mean North America has Canada and Mexico in it. That’s a benefit.

North America is beginning to be North Korea.

rikun85 asked:
Is there a way to reverse the “Cartman Effect”, where a young impressionable kid emulates a charismatic jerk to the point where said kid becomes a jerk?

Don’t let kids watch drek like South Park

I Am Not Okay

TW - Sexual Assault

As most of you are probably already aware: I was raped on October 18th.

Since the moment I revealed that this had happened, I have been getting leading questions from a handful of people doubting the sincerity of this on the basis that “Lily’s still posting casually.”

This was me trying very hard to keep up appearances. In reality, I am completely falling apart. The last few months have already been a wreck with stress-induced medical issues, interpersonal trouble, and a nervous breakdown, but this has completely upended my entire life.

Those who know me personally have seen me become a lot more volatile and a lot more emotionally compromised. There has not been a day in the last few weeks where I haven’t broken down into tears at least once, and I am repeatedly wavering back and forth between crying and feeling empty inside. I can’t hold the conversations I used to, my relationships are straining, and I’ve had to go back into therapy.

I’ve been doing my work in an extremely unfit state. Almost every video in the Disney Project so far, including the roundup, was edited while I was crying, and I have failed to record this week’s Glass of Water on six different occasions because I can’t hold my composure long enough to finish reading the script, and as I’ve already announced I’m having the puppet redesigned because it’s sexualized design now makes me extremely uncomfortable.

And despite my close friends saying that they’re here for me, I’m paralyzed with fear at the prospect of seeming like I’m too needy or burdensome, of which I most certainly am.

I’ve been trying so hard for the last few weeks to keep myself distracted. To keep myself busy. To not let myself have any free time to dwell on what happened and think about it, or think about the things that have happened since. I’m so scared of the prospect that this could upend and destroy everything. I’m afraid of what might happen. I’m afraid that I’ll alienate my friends with how much this has changed me. I’m afraid I won’t be able to do my job and keep a roof over my head.

Most of all, I’m afraid that this might irreparably damage my relationship with Lizzy, something that I’ve been having nightmares about for a very long time.

As you can probably tell, this has been a very difficult time for me. Yesterday, for the first time in several years, my mind went to an extremely dark place. Very briefly, but long enough to be genuinely alarming.

Nobody knows what to do. I don’t. My friends don’t. My wife doesn’t. My therapist has even admitted this isn’t her area of expertise.

The only thing any of us do know is that I am not okay. And right now, I honestly don’t know if I will ever be okay. But I can’t keep pretending things are back to normal. I don’t have the energy to continue doing that.

So asks will be off indefinitely, videos are going to slow to a “When they’re done” schedule and early access for patrons has been suspended. All big video projects are suspended as well, and it is only going to be In A Minute, Glass of Water, and the Roundups being produced in any capacity for the foreseeable future.

I know 2018 has seen my schedule slowly and steadily degrade, but I can’t keep doing this in the state that I’m in. I can’t keep doing a lot of things that I’ve been trying to do.

I can’t keep trying to ignore this. I’m not okay.